An exercise to tap your anger

Go ahead, beat up your sofa!

For this post, I want to back up a bit and really dig into stage 2 of the 8 stages of emotional clearing. Stage 2 is where your character must tap into her anger. As I said in my earlier post, many people get stuck at stage 2 because they don't recognize how anger disguises itself in other emotions or behaviors.

If you or your character has no clue how to touch anger or are just plain afraid to do it, this is the exercise for you! 

Getting in touch with anger.  Ooooh, that's a fun one. For someone who has a difficult time accessing anger, the key is to find something that's opposite of your normal routine. So, for instance, for people who spend much of their days in their brain (writers, software engineers, bankers, really any desk job) physical techniques can be very effective for releasing anger. People who are quiet can benefit from using their voice.  Here's a great technique that combines both types of release, physical and vocal.  

Things you'll need:  

1. whiffle bat (plastic bat)
2. sofa
3. room to move with no breakable objects, people or pets nearby

Get yourself a whiffle bat and stand in front of your sofa.  Now think about a person who triggered you. Picture them in your mind. Hear their awful words. Picture them pointing their finger at you, yelling, accusing, blaming as they cross your personal boundary. Feel how your belly starts to churn up some energy. You're starting to feel that familiar flight or flight sensation. Stick with it. 

The person is coming at you, still yelling, accusing, blaming. You can't even hear the words any more. Just a roar in your ears and flashes of their angry face.  

Now pick up the whiffle bat

Give yourself permission to pummel your sofa.  

Really swing and whack.  Cuss.  LOUDLY.  Blame the source of your anger.  Cuss them to hell.  Keep going until you have no more whacks or cussing left to do. Drop the bat. 

Notice your energy.  Notice how you feel.  

Write that feeling down, or discuss it with someone.  Do you feel lighter? Do you feel lost? Do you feel more yourself? Do you feel pleasure? Do you feel guilty? What do you feel? However you feel, ask yourself why. What need did that release in energy fulfill?  What needs do you still have? 

Come up with some ways to fulfill those needs.

You're a writer - remember those feelings. Allow your character to draw on them to move through their own issues.  When your character recognizes their needs, they'll come up with a plan.

The technique above is very useful for expelling a large amount of anger and resentment very quickly. Notice how you feel about the technique. Your reaction to the technique is a reflection of how you feel about releasing anger. For some, the technique can be frightening and overwhelming.  Others relish the idea of pummeling something, swearing and screaming.  Some people only want to scream.  Some people can't scream at all, or won't cuss.  And others give only wimpy taps with the bat. For some, the session goes on for ages until they are physically and emotionally drained. For others, the session lasts only a couple of minutes. Whatever you won't do, or had difficulty doing in that exercise, those are signals of your personal boundaries, your code of behavior. 

Keep in mind though that the boundaries are artificial boundaries - you make them, you can break them, you can make those boundaries flexible and healthy. You're in a safe environment - just you and the whiffle bat and the sofa. Nothing is going to break. No one is going to get hurt. Things can only get better. Now, in this safe environment, is the time to give yourself permission to shift energetically.  

Giving yourself permission to release your anger in a safe environment is a great step toward healing. Because you are replacing the person who triggered you with an inanimate object, and you are quickly releasing a large amount of energy in a safe environment, the technique shifts your attention away from the other person onto you. Participating in the experience energetically imprints itself on you, shoring up your personal boundaries and giving you confidence that you can take care of yourself in the future. And with that confidence of being able to work through your anger to identify and fulfill your needs, you are less likely to be triggered by other people.

And now let's shift to writing.  I'm curious. How do your characters deal with anger?

Creating a Character's Emotional Arc: in stages 1 - 4

Imagine how excited I was to learn that my years of training in energy medicine and psychology could actually help me construct a fictional character’s emotional arc!  Now quadruple that and add a cherry on top because when I think about the ripple effect and how relaying this info on to you and how you can use it to reach your readers, I’m over the moon with excitement and gratitude.  


We’ve arrived at the fun part, where we see how to create a character’s emotional arc.  Let’s get to it. We’ll start with stages 1 through 4.

1. The smoking gun
Picture a smoking gun in your mind and chances are you’ll sense something sinister is afoot. Smoking guns indicate that someone violated a personal boundary or an agreement on how they are expected to behave around you. In writing, we call this threat or danger “the inciting incident.”


2. Anger  Biologically speaking, our bodies react to a perceived threat or danger by releasing certain hormones like adrenalin and cortisol, speeding our heart rate and increasing blood pressure, slowing digestion, increasing blood flow to major muscle groups and adjusting other autonomic nervous functions in order to give our bodies a burst of energy and strength.

Emotionally, the inciting incident triggers anger. Anger may be hard to recognize beneath the layers of anxiety, self-pity and sadness, but it’s there and your character will need to use that anger as a driving force to move through to the next stage. 


Finding the anger can be difficult because by culture or by nature, a lot of people don't allow themselves to get angry. They feel uncomfortable or even go so far as to believe they have no right to their anger. Are you one of them? Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to fume in order for our characters to do the same. 


Look for clues to your character's anger. If you find her saying something like, “It’s not worth getting upset over,” that's a clear indication that she is stuffing her anger. Other indications are typical behavioral responses to the threat. Males typically respond with fight (aggression) or flight (social withdrawal, substance abuse), while females typically respond by protecting to their children, if they have any, and by seeking social support in groups. But hey, it’s your novel. Who’s to say that your character must conform to these typical roles? 


Just remember that at this stage your character does not want to be nice, she wants to be ANGRY.


3. Projection and Blaming
Now that your character is good and angry, go ahead and let her blame someone for causing her to feel that way. Not taking responsibility for our own feelings is called projecting. Many people project and blame out of earshot, but never confront the person with whom they are upset. It’s easy to see why. Most people would think twice about expressing their anger to the person holding a smoking gun.


4. Expressing anger and releasing pain
Your character has finally surmounted the obstacles of stages 1, 2 and 3. A round of applause is in order because it takes courage to make it this far.  You’ve reached the turning point in your novel. This is the step where your character expresses her anger toward the transgressor, the villain, the mean and evil dude, and finally stands up for herself. This is when your reader is anticipating a smack down and it is a cause for celebration.

How your character stands up for herself, depends on the intensity of the boundary violation and the inciting smoking gun incident. Mild violations may require just speaking up about it. Stronger violations, the kind that elicit reader response, may entail speaking up plus throwing in a few choice cuss words for good measure, dammit!

But what if your character is not willing to scold the mean and evil dude? Totally not surprising. Most people feel pretty weak when it comes to expressing their anger. Ultimately though, suppressing anger is futile. Unexpressed anger is toxic and your character will find a way to release it. Instead of confronting the evil dude, you might find your character turning anger inward against herself, or letting it out sideways by lashing out at the innocent, or even taking a circuitous route by engaging in passive aggressive behavior against the perpetrator. How your character manages her anger might violate personal boundaries and agreements and trigger an angry response from someone else. And yes, you can count me in among the wicked and wily scumbling my fingers and sneering, “Mwah ha haaaa!” because this kind of tension triggers subplots.  


But remember, if your goal is an emotionally rewarding ending, suppressing anger is not ultimately the answer. Your character must express her anger directly in order to release the pain.

A lot of writers will stop here, either subconsciously or purposefully, with the main character confronting and then defeating the mean evil dude followed by a quick conclusion, and call it a victory. 


How easy is it for you to express your anger? Do you confront the transgressor or does your anger come out in other ways? Are you uncomfortable at any point? Where is your sticking point?